Hoye Lam

Still no clue

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These are the last stages of my student life. I will be graduating this year and I still don’t have a clue what I want.

The major I chose is computer science. I have been studying and working in this field for the last four years. Yet, I still have no clue. Is this the career and path I want to pursue or was it a mistake? I don’t know.

Since I started this major, programming has always been a tool for me to create new things. A skill to let my creativity out. However, I was never the student or person that wanted to hone my programming skills further. In my free time, I always did things that was not related to computer science. I never craved for in-depth knowledge about programming. I only learned the necessary programming skills in order to perform in my studies and work.

Programming is for me just a skill to build interesting things.

Now I’m on the brink from graduating and am asking myself if this is what I want. I am exposed to a lot of stories that work should feel like a hobby. That the job you do should not feel like work. I am pretty sure that if I continue down this road that this will be 100% work.

I am however confident that I will always be able to perform this job at a high level. If I miss any required knowledge for certain task, I will learn it. I can be the full-time software engineer that I was trained to be. But if I reflect on my life after 10 years, is this the career I wanted? I don’t know.

The feelings I have are not depression or sadness, it’s pressure and confusion. I still eat, sleep and socialise normally, but I know for certain that in the upcoming months the decisions I make will influence and shape the future of my life.

And I don’t have a clue what to do yet.

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